Yesterday I had a panic attack.....I was sitting on the couch with one of my puppies by my side and all of a sudden I had a Déjà vu like feeling, you know that weird feeling that you have done something previously, and a massive lump formed in my throat. I felt light-headed and I thought that I was going to die.......I knew, in fact, that if I didn't get up off that couch I would die! Panic gripped every fibre of my being........
So up I jumped and grabbed a jug of water and downed as much as I could get down my throat, thinking that it would fix me.........Yeh right! Drinking water is going to keep me away from death's door, from the grim reaper's bony claws reaching out to pull me into the abyss........
I went straight to my husband, who was working in the office, and told him that something was seriously wrong with me...........He looked at me with one of those looks that said he had known that for a long time but, give him his due, he then tried to look suitably concerned and asked what the symptoms were.......just as I was telling him I had another attack, so I rushed into the kitchen to get more water into me.....Totally irrational I thought to myself as I drank a litre of water.......I sat down on the coach again and put my feet up and started to feel better......I couldn't believe that it was happening and I ended up putting it down to a panic attack.....I have never had one before..........well, not really......well maybe I have actually......
Five years ago we were holding a family re-union here on the Gold Coast in the hinterland at a place called Springbrook which is at the top of the mountain.......I had never been there before and a week before the event my husband and I decided to do a trial run.....Big mistake!
The road is narrow and winding and in certain parts there is just sheer drops of several hundred metres and I am terrified of heights! So I am trying to keep myself from screaming and we come to a section of the road where it separates.......The up road becomes very narrow, cut into the side of a cliff, there is no guard rail and the sheer drop is just spectacular, if you can handle that sort of thing........I can't!.............
I lost the plot completely.........Screaming and yelling and crying all at the same time......."Get me out of here!"
My poor husband couldn't do a thing! There was nowhere to pull over.....nowhere to turn around and we had to just keep going........I was a mess.......I wanted to punch my husband's lights out for suggesting that we do the trial run and I knew that we were going to die........I knew that the car was just going to fall over the edge and my continual screamming like a banshee was upsetting my husband and he became frightened then as well.... so there is now two of us in this car, scared to death and panicking! We made it to the end of the divided road and my husband was able to turn around and luckily the down road has no sheer drops and I calmed down by the time we got home..........never again!
Oh, I just remembered another time.......Long time ago we owned a Nissan Urvan.......a plain white van and almost a bigger bomb then our earlier Holden Torana!
I had two amibition swhen I was a teenager.....
1....To live on the Gold Coast
2...To own a Combie Van
Wild ambitions I know, but we all have our little dreams!
I acheived the first and the Urvan was a compromise on the second... Sorry I digress............
It had been raining heavily and the little bridge that we crossed almost every day to go into town had about 5 inches of water over it........I thought that I would be quite safe driving over it.............No! ............. I was halfway across the bridge, which was actually just a concrete crossing over the river at it's shallowest point, with no side rails....... Smoke starts pouring out from the floor near the foot pedals,,,,........The kids were in the van with me so naturally I didn't want to lose the plot, scream my head off, jump from the vehicle and just abandon it, which is exactly what I did want to do.
A funny thing happened......my leg started shaking, my right leg.......you know the one that controls the accelerator and the brake!....It was shaking so hard I had to hold it to stop it from coming up and hitting me in the jaw, well, slight exaggeration, but almost!.........I managed to get the bomb all the way across the bridge, how I don't know, and pulled over as soon as I was on dry road........I had to sit there for ages just to calm down and the smoke just disappeared.....To this day, I don't know where the smoke was from. because there was nothing wrong the van and I never had a repeat of the incident.......
On a happier note, yesterday after I calmed down I opened a nice bottle of McLaren Vale Shiraz and it's amazing just how good I felt after that..........Yummm! Panic attack? What panic attack!
Hi, At 59 I am just finding my feet in the world...So exciting! I have learnt a lot over the years.....gone from being extremely hard up to living a very comfortable life and loving every single minute of it.......My boys are grown up and living good lives themselves and I am so proud of them.......I have the best husband in the world (most of the time anyway....hahaha) and I have 3 dogs who I just adore and they adore me...... I try to live by my motto ......"Be like the sun....let your warmth shine through always"