Good morning dear Reader! Yesterday, as I was writing my blog, I realised that my husband has provided me with enough fodder for a couple of books....We have lived a full existence over the last 36 years and there has certainly never been a dull moment. Many of those moments provided by my husband....
The most memorable perhaps was Christmas 1980. We both worked in industries that closed down for the Christmas holiday and traditionally the boss always put on a couple of drinks and some food on the last day of work.....That Christmas was special, as it we were to be married on 3rd January, 1981, just 2 weeks away....My husband worked just down the road from me and as we only had one car he was to walk up to my workplace and I would drive him home....I didn't drink in those days....I was completely tea totaller....
My boss had let everyone know that I was getting married and they decided to combine the Christmas party with a wedding celebration for me, complete with beautiful present. It was lovely and I was having a great time.....The boss has arranged large tables in an outside area.....lovely food was served and there was even a singer.....After about 3 hours, everyone started to stir and most people went into the office to get their holiday pays.....I had mine so I stayed outside with my cup of tea......In staggers my husband, complete with his singlet, stubbies and little blue, foam esky, full of stubbies of beer.......He was blind, paralytic drunk!
How he even walked to my workplace is beyond me, even to this day.....he sat down at the long table where all my workmates had been earlier and proceeded to gather up, in his arms, all the cigarettes and lighters (everyone smoked in those days) and anything else that was on the table......he put his head down on his arms and he appeared to be guarding the booty he has just stolen.....he had a stupid grin on his face and I was just mortified! "I'll bloody give him something to grin about if I get hold of him alone," I thought........
Here, just a few minutes earlier, everyone was congratulating me on my impending wedding and wishing me much happiness, and now this drunken, looney tune turns up, stealing everyone's cigarettes, grunting, dribbling and carrying on like a pork chop and they now, as they filed out with their pays, gave me "deepest sympathy" looks....They also looked frightened, as he was refusing to give up the treasures he had scooped up. I had to make my excuses and I then attempted to get him into the car and get him home....Luckily one of the men helped me and off we went......But, my afternoon was just getting started!
I pulled the car into the carport, which was separate to the house, and opened the door for him to get out....he told me he couldn't....so I left him.......He fell out.......He was still in the sitting position when he fell.....I left him......He crawled into the house......I let him.......(I'm not cruel...he is a big man). He crawled into the laundry, which was the first room from the carport, proceeded to stand himself up and he staggered to the cupboard under the steps, which were just next to the laundry.....He opened the door and proceeded to drop his pants...."No bloody way mister!" I screamed......Lucky I caught him, I thought...Oh can you imagine....Gross!.....I pushed, dragged, cajoled him up the stairs to the toilet......It was hard yakka! Lucky I was so much younger then!
I got him to the toilet and he just wouldn't shut up about needing to go.....I told him to go! He was in the toilet....He was so drunk he couldn't see the toilet.....I told him he was sitting on the toilet and it was okay he could go now! So he did.....He fell off the toilet.....still in the sitting position.....I left him......He screamed my name over and over again.....I ignored him......No. 1 son ignored him as well.....he was nearly six at the time......I pointed out the evils of alcohol to him, using his father as the example.....I think he understood....He just looked at his father, nodded his head knowingly and went to his room. It was not a pretty picture.......
My husband kept crying out for me and I did go and see him and asked him what he wanted.......He told me he had to go to the toilet.....I was getting just a little frustrated and told him yet again that he was in the toilet......He raised his head and looked at the toilet and told me, "I can't go there, someone's already there, and look, they've left their legs!" Now, I knew he was drunk, but crazy? I had a look and couldn't help but laugh.....When he had fallen from the toilet, his shorts had been down around his ankles and they had stayed exactly where he had pulled them down.....I managed to help him back up onto the toilet and he seemed to be okay, so I left him again......He screamed my name frantically and I rushed back and asked what was the matter....."There's crocodiles in the toilet and their snapping at my arsehole!" he screamed......I cracked!
"There are no crocodiles in the toilet.....do your business and get off to bed!" I yelled at him. He fell off the toilet again.....I left him again!.....He screamed my name again! I grabbed a jug of cold water and threw it over his face.....He screamed that he was drowning, then fell fast asleep.....Peace at last.....it was a beautiful thing.......He still has no memory of that day and there were many more Christmas party aftermaths like that to come, but none quite as memorable!
I married him anyway! It's simple.....he is lovely! Still, even after all this time.....as I say...It's never been dull!
Hi, At 59 I am just finding my feet in the world...So exciting! I have learnt a lot over the years.....gone from being extremely hard up to living a very comfortable life and loving every single minute of it.......My boys are grown up and living good lives themselves and I am so proud of them.......I have the best husband in the world (most of the time anyway....hahaha) and I have 3 dogs who I just adore and they adore me...... I try to live by my motto ......"Be like the sun....let your warmth shine through always"