Good morning dear Reader.......You may be able to tell by the title of this blog that I am asking for help! Yes, I know, a lot of you are saying that has been obvious for a long time but, this time I am asking......I am going to give you a chapter from my book that I have written.....I haven't heard from the publisher, boo, hoo, so, I need help to get it published as an eBook, maybe, without it costing me money, if that's at all possible....
The book was written for women, it is not really a man's book, unless of course you are into women's problems.....I can't think of one man I know who is even remotely interested in women's problems.....Haha! The title is "Diary of a Hysterectomy - A True and Unvarnished Story - Guts and All".....That may give you an indication of the subject matter and if you don't want to read anymore, I shall understand....The chapter of have chosen as a sampler is Chapter 2. I have included the cartoons that I have done to go with the story......Sorry about layout dear Reader, as it's not possible to put it in the format I would like in this blog.....The cartoons are at the end - I am unable to slip them into the story when they should go!......
Chapter 2 Dealing with menopause!
Great! Just what those perverted little troll bastards up there in the heavens thought they were doing is beyond me! Surely they could have shared some of this around! So now I have to contend with options!
Oh, dear Reader what was I to do? I could go on to the HRT drugs or try natural remedies. Being the idiot that I am, I told my doctor that I couldn't possibly go onto the drugs as I am sure that I can beat this thing by natural means!
I think that my brain must have been seriously affected by all my troubles because any sane person would have just gone for the drugs. So I embarked on my quest for the perfect natural method. First to try was something called yam cream, made from the yam, naturally, and purported to be the next
best thing. One rubbed this stuff on your wrists and presto, no more symptoms! Dear Reader you could have knocked me to the ground and called me Susan, the thing actually worked!
So now I look up to the mongrels in the heavens who were trying to send me straight into the arms of the men with their little white coats and give them the royal two finger salute! “Got ya! Ha!” I said.
Dear Reader you probably realise how this is going to end.....yes....lasted six months and then no matter how much cream I rubbed on my wrists, I even rubbed half a jar on my bloody stomach, it just wouldn't work anymore. But I still wasn't beaten. You see dear Reader, this is how I know that
at the time I was actually technically insane....mad as a two bob watch….crazy as a cut snake....just plain insane! I actually went to the chemist and asked what else I could try!
I give myself an uppercut as I write this for the idiot that I was! I was given a variety of "natural" herbs and the like to try and each one worked for approximately two months......meanwhile......I am sweating so much (sorry, ladies perspire) that people are starting to avoid standing near me....I
go so red when a flush comes on, every half hour, that you could stand me on the highest point of the coastline and use me to warn passing ships that danger lies nearby........I cry if the vegemite jar won't open at the first turn! Bloody vegemite jar is against me as well! The nights were even worse! I had to wring out my sheets every two hours. My husband took to sleeping on the floor as he
couldn't stand sleeping in a leaky waterbed......hang on a minute....we didn't have a waterbed!
Sleep was apparently not allowed by those nasty little demons up in the heavens that were playing with me. I could just picture them, up there, laughing and seeing what other plagues they could send my way. Shits!
My poor, poor husband bore the brunt though dear Reader....the poor bastard didn't know what to do! Who exactly is this raging, fishwife who has taken over my wife's body? What evil spell has befallen my wife and turned her into the little girl out of "The Exorcist", turning twisting head, bulging eyes, speaking tongue and all? Oh dear Reader, it wasn't a pretty sight and yet I still
persevered with the madness for two years.
One day I had had enough and raced into the doctor’s office like the mad, crazy loon that I was and demanded that he give me the good drugs or I wouldn't be responsible for the consequences! He, maddingly, just smiled, gave me the prescription and sent me on my merry way.
Dear Reader, I immediately went to the chemist and filled the script and started taking the little pink pills....expecting immediate results of course.
One week it took, one week! I woke one morning six days after the first pill and noticed that I was actually refreshed. I felt good! No flushes! No Agro! Joy oh joy! I was smiling! I was happy! I shoved those pills into my mouth every day and by the end of the month I felt the best I had ever felt in
my life. It was amazing the difference it made to me.
Short lived though! The doctor had only given me a script for one month and I had to go back and get another script. So again symptoms came back because I couldn't get an appointment straight away and I only had to miss one pill for the symptoms to come back as strong as ever. I shook my fists to the sky. One day I will get you ....you mongrel bastards!
Sorry dear Reader, the language that I have been using sounds awful and lives up to the notion that I am indeed a fishwife, but, I never used to swear! I didn't even drink until I was In my late 30's. I was incredibly shy and terribly naive but the constant problems tend to make one aware of the pure joy of drinking a bottle or two of the good red stuff every now and then and letting off steam with the odd swear word.....you know....bloody, bloody, shit, buggar, poo, wee, bum, bastard! This was the whole sum of my swearing vocabulary. Much later I learnt that there were stronger words that could be used in conjunction with bastard etc. etc. Although I must say there is one word that starts with “c” that will never pass through these lips......it may have passed through another set of lips, but definitely not the ones on my face!
I digress! Where was I? Can you hang on a moment while I gather my thoughts please?
Oh yes, okay read on.
So life flowed on for a few years with only the mild night sweats to worry about and I thought that I had won lotto. I felt great, I looked good, I was fit and healthy and living under the illusion that all was well with the world. As I have told you before....I am an idiot!
So, there you have it, Chapter 2, if you would like to see the whole booklet published, I would love to hear from you how to do it.....It is only a small booklet, approximately 12,000 words, and I believe, based on the research I have done by giving it to women of all ages to critique, that it is a funny read and all women can relate to it......So I leave the ball in your court! Can anyone help me?......xoxox
Hi, At 59 I am just finding my feet in the world...So exciting! I have learnt a lot over the years.....gone from being extremely hard up to living a very comfortable life and loving every single minute of it.......My boys are grown up and living good lives themselves and I am so proud of them.......I have the best husband in the world (most of the time anyway....hahaha) and I have 3 dogs who I just adore and they adore me...... I try to live by my motto ......"Be like the sun....let your warmth shine through always"