Good morning dear Reader....I do need help! I have gone insane! Around 2 am this morning my insane brain took over my normal logical brain and I panicked......If you remember from yesterday's blog, I had a snake out the front of the house.....Now, the dog groomer's last words to me, as she scarpered hurriedly up the driveway to escape from the giant baby snake, were, "If there's are baby, then that means.....", and she left it there.....Bitch! I remembered those words at 2 am and that was the end of my sleep for a while.
I woke because I remembered the words and suddenly I was a frightened, cowering, worried mess.....I actually wanted to go to the loo but, I was too scared to get out of bed.....I could picture the floor as a writhing mess of snakes, similar to a scene from one of the Indiana Jones movies.....No way was I going to walk through millions of snakes slithering all over my carpet and tiles......I panicked.....I mentally abused my husband and puppies who were all sleeping so peacefully. How dare they sleep while I am in a terrible state with billions of snakes crawling around all over the floor and preventing me from going to the loo!......
Now I gave myself several uppercuts, because I knew that there couldn't possibly trillions of snakes crawling around on the floor, but maybe, just maybe, there would be one or two! I started to devise ways that I would be able to walk through all the snakes and wondered if anyone made chainmail still....Perhaps I could get some chainmail boots made for my night time escapades to the toilet......I plucked up the courage to go, as my bladder was about to burst.....I must have lain their for about an hour thinking about all of this before I got up.....So I ran to the toilet, sat down and then it hit me! What if the snake was coiled around the cistern? What if it bit my bum? Oh dear I needed to get out of there! Wouldn't you know it though, I had the world's longest wee and couldn't get off quickly.....Now I am panicking about my bum and tried to think of ways to protect it.....I came up with a great plan! I would get someone to mould some metal on my bum, to make me a bumplate. Then I could put that on to go to the toilet and my bum would be well protected.....Let the bloody snake bite me through metal! Ah Ha! Foiled!
So after the world's longest wee, I hightailed it out of that toilet with great haste and got to the bed.....In the moonlight I noticed what looked like a long thin snakelike thing in the bed and panicked again....I gingerly touched the sheets and discovered that it was only a crease and I climbed into bed and covered myself up quickly so that nothing could get me....Then I thought, "It could be lurking down the bottom of the bed!" Again with the panic, and I almost jumped up out of bed but, the thought of all the other snakes on the floor again prevented me from moving.....I couldn't even lie facing inwards as I thought I could get bitten on the bum......I had all these weird and horrific things going through my brain and I was still awake at 4 am when I had to get up again to go the loo......Nervous tension I guess......So I repeated the same procedure and climbed back into bed, put the covers up to my neck, thought I would never sleep again and promptly went to sleep until 6 am when my husband said goodbye....
So now I am brave, because it is light and I can see that there are no snakes on the floor....I decide to take the puppies for a walk as they missed out yesterday.....I keep their leads in the garage near the internal door.....I cracked the door just enough for my fingers to reach the garage door opener.....I pressed the button.....the garage door opened......I slowly put my head around the door to check for snakes....all clear.......I gingerly went outside to check the steps and driveway.....Whew! All clear.....So I put the puppies harness's on and off we go....Poor puppies, I wouldn't let them go near any grass and when they wanted to do their business I kept a careful watch! Hopeless......
I will get over this, one day......I am only in panic mode now because I have such a vivid imagination and I feel helpless that if I go out and leave the puppies alone that they might be bitten.......I know that it is rare but, I can't help it.....I think I need to talk to a psychiatrist....although as though who know me would say, maybe I have needed to see one long before this.........
Hi, At 59 I am just finding my feet in the world...So exciting! I have learnt a lot over the years.....gone from being extremely hard up to living a very comfortable life and loving every single minute of it.......My boys are grown up and living good lives themselves and I am so proud of them.......I have the best husband in the world (most of the time anyway....hahaha) and I have 3 dogs who I just adore and they adore me...... I try to live by my motto ......"Be like the sun....let your warmth shine through always"